


I need more dreams, and less life.

by SnorkleShit



Series: I thought of angels (choking on their halos) [15]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Cardin Redemption Arc 2k16, Faunus!Cardin, Forgiveness, M/M, Multi, Mystery Illness/Pain, Nightmares, Phoenix Faunus Cardin, Understanding, dealing with FEELINGS, forced amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnorkleShit/pseuds/SnorkleShit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cardin is being plagued by the past, his questions for the future, and strange pains. He has an unexpected conversation with someone, which leaves him with more questions than answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I need more dreams, and less life.

**Author's Note:**

> SOUNDTRACK: http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/letting-people-down-is-my-thing-baby
> 
> This is dedicated to mihamihachu.tumblr.com

_The sun was spilling into his room through the window, washing warmth over him like honey over the oatmeal he used to have every morning. He opened his eyes, and was shocked out of his pleasant morning haze by a face hanging just above his. It was a woman, with blood dripping out of her sad eyes. She had bright red hair, and she was suspended above him by wires twisting into the burning wings that sprouted from his back._

_Cardin felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move his body. He just stared up at her, as her silent flames licked over his ceiling, leaving trails of darkness in their wake. Before he could even figure out what was happening, the woman with burning wings was gone, and his old Nurse was suspended above him. She was staring down at him with a heartbroken expression._

**_”You were meant to fly, my little Phoenix. Your mother used to shine so bright, why won’t you let in her light?_** His Nurse asked, in the same sing-song voice she used to use when she sang him to sleep as a child. All he could do was stare up into her bleeding eyes in terror.

_Other voices joined her song, his father’s, his brother’s, Jaune’s, his team, Ozpin, Pyrrha, all the questions clawing at him like animals that were starving for answers._

**_You break everything you touch_ **

\---------------

Cardin awoke with a jolt, sitting up in bed and trying to catch his breath. Then he winced, and curled in on himself, reaching behind him to stick his hand down the back of his shirt. Horrible pain was shooting up and down his spine, and when he pressed his hand in between his shoulder blades it felt blazing hot. His hand felt like it had rightly been burned. 

“Are you alright man?” A voice asked, and he looked up to see Sky staring at him from his bed in concern. Cardin blinked over at him, still a little confused. And then he suddenly felt exposed and ashamed to be acting like a scared child, and he felt anger rise in his throat. But he swallowed it and made it dissipate - he didn’t need to take his shame out on them.

“I’m fine.” He lied. Luckily, Dove was a heavy sleeper, and neither he nor Russell had been awoken. “Just didn’t sleep well. I think I’ll get up early and go, uh, study. I’ll see you guys at breakfast.” He said, turning away and swinging his legs over the bed. He winced at the shooting pain it sent up his spine, and tried to quench the panic rising in his throat.

This strange pain wasn’t the only reason to want to avoid people today. He’d internally freaking out, after that night with Jaune, sitting with him on the grounds at night. Cardin hadn’t ever - hadn’t ever felt the things he had suddenly realized he’d actually been feeling for a while.

Which he had no idea how to deal with. It just - wasn’t him. He wasn’t gay, for one thing. Was he? Maybe that was another lie. He actually hadn’t noticed girls much, he’d always been too focused on hanging out with his friends and training, he thought. He didn’t know.

 

Cardin ended up in a table in the back of the library, trying to make sure nobody saw him reading books about Faunus heritage and biology. Was this pain something to do with his amputation? It was right between his shoulder blades, it seemed like too much of a coincidence. He’d never felt pain like this before. Unfortunately, the library had a very small collection of books about Faunus, and none of them regarded bird faunus with anything other than a mention of their tragic near extinction. He was even more depressed by the time he slammed the last book in frustration. 

“You went through those pretty quickly, I didn’t know you were such a fast reader.” An australian slanted voice said gently from in front of him. He jumped, and then winced at the pain before looking up. He’d been so engrossed in his search, he had no idea how much time had passed, and he certainly hadn’t noticed Velvet had sat down across the table from him. Cardin stared at her in surprise, and then his eyes flicked down to the pile of Faunus related books in front of him, and then back up at her. He’d bullied the small rabbit Faunus more than most, she had been such an easy target. And then Velvet’s girlfriend had revealed the truth to everyone to knock him down a peg. This was _beyond_ an awkward situation.

Velvet didn’t look angry, or scared. She was looking at him as if she was contemplating something. He suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights.

“Doing some research? Do you not know much about your heritage?” Velvet asked, sounding genuinely curious. Cardin looked down at the books.

“Uh, you could say that.” He replied. 

“But you knew.” Velvet continued. Cardin nodded slowly, extremely uncomfortable. 

“Is there a reason you don’t know much about being a Faunus?” She asked, brushing her bangs out of her face. He kept looking down at the table. Should he answer her? He didn’t feel like talking about this. But for some reason, he felt obligated to giver her an explanation. 

“My father didn’t know my mother was a Faunus, and she died in childbirth.” He managed to get out, in a very curt voice. 

Velvet raised. “And he...I’m terribly sorry. That must have been hard.” 

Cardin finally looked up at her. She looked honest. Like she genuinely meant it. He furrowed his brow at her.

“Why are _you_ apologizing to _me_?” He asked incredulously. She shrugged, and her ears flicked forward.

“Because nobody deserves hardship like that. It’s not an excuse for your actions. But...it certainly helps to gain an understanding. Why, were you intent on apologizing to me? Because that’s something I wouldn’t protest to.” Velvet shrugged, looking away as her ears twitched nervously. 

“I’ve been apologizing a lot lately. It’s nice - but I feel like nobody believes me. I’m not sure how to make up for things. I’ve finally figured out that I need to make up for things, so, I guess that’s something.” Cardin sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he took a deep breath.

“I am.” He added. Velvet looked back up at him.

“Sorry, I mean. I am sorry.” He elaborated. She gave a soft smile.

“I don’t know how to help you make it up, I’ve never really had that problem.” She said. Cardin laughed, rolling his shoulders.

“I guess you haven’t.” He replied. Then Velvet frowned.

“Well, maybe not. I’m sorry about what happened. So is Coco, not that she’s going to tell you so for a while.” Velvet confided in him. Cardin raised an eyebrow.

“I’m mostly just surprised. I mean - I guess I don’t know her that well, but she certainly seemed a lot more...reserved. I didn’t expect something like that from someone like her.” Cardin said.

Velvet smiled, like she knew something Cardin didn’t. Which she probably did. 

“That’s what most people don’t get about Coco. She’s really in control, you know, she’s a great leader because she’s calm and strong. But when she does get blinded by emotion, she channels it into action and plans. She’s a little more extreme than people give her credit for when they first meet her. I mean, I’ve always thought people’s weapons speak a lot about them, in our line of work. And what’s Coco weapon again?” Velvet asked him pointedly.

Cardin pursed his lips, understanding exactly what she was trying to convey. “A purse. That turns into the biggest gun I’ve ever seen.” He said, nodding along.

“Exactly. Good luck with whatever you’re trying to find, Cardin. I’ll see you around.” She said, her goodbye pleasant and earnest as she stood and turned to walk away. Cardin sat for a moment, mulling over what she’d said. Then something occurred to him, and he raised his head.

“Wait, Velvet!” He called out suddenly. She turned around, blinking at him.

“What’s your weapon? I just realized I don’t actually know.” He asked. Velvet smiled widely.

“I suppose that’s something you’ll have to figure out. See you later.” She said with a knowing wink, and then she was gone. Cardin flopped back in his chair, and then bit the inside of his cheek against the sudden spike of pain. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

He supposed he had a lot to figure out. It seemed like he always would.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this took so much time, i'm so sorry. I promise i'll be faster with updates from now on, and my vision for where this is going is very clear!


End file.
